Adivse from my Dad...

Two years ago today, we buried my daddy... I know that if there was any advise that he would have for me today, this would be it. This is a song from Trace Adkins called "You're Gonna Miss This". He used to laugh when I was in high school because I couldn't wait for it to be over. He was supportive of Nathan and I when we started building our house shortly after we got engaged. He was concerned we were rushing because we wanted space for our future children! He was very excited but heart broken when I found out I was pregnant the first time because he already knew he was dying... he was heart broken again when that pregnancy ended 3 months later with a D&C... I know he would love to be around working on my water heater while listening to the kids screaming... I hate all that he is gonna miss.


She was staring out the window of their SUV
Complaining, saying "I can't wait to turn 18"
She said "I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules"
Mama put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said "I was just like you"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her "It's a nice place"
She says "It'll do for now"
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says
And says "Baby, just slow down"

Cause you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me. I've got 2 babies of my own. One's 36, one's 23."
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"

Where has the time gone?

Can you believe Miss Chayse has already been around for four weeks? Time seems to be flying by which is so strange because it seems like we waited forever for her to get here! She is doing great and is a happy baby, except when she is hungry! We are on a fairly good routine with her and overall are adjusting well. I have done GREAT the last few weeks and have lost 33 pounds... that means I am almost 20 pounds lighter than I was when I got pregnant!! YEAH!!!!! Chayse has had a big night tonight... she lost her cord ... here is her first picture without it!

Memorial Day... and so much more...

This day means a lot to many people because it is Memorial Day. For our nation, that means so much to so many people for so many different reasons... veterans remember fallen friends, families pray for those serving in the military now, people like me that are thankful that our brothers and husbands made it home alive... not to mention fathers, uncles, and friends...

May 26th however, means so much more to me... two years ago today was the last time I saw my father. It is so hard to believe but it has been two years since my daddy died from a year long battle with lung cancer. I miss him so much and hate that he is not here. I miss his advise, I miss hearing his voice, I miss seeing his face. I miss him more now than ever. I know part of that is because I know how much he would bring to Chayse's life. He died while I was pregnant with Hope and he always said he wanted so much to just hold his grandchild. I know that he welcomed Hope to Heaven with open arms and that sweet sweet smile of his. Sometimes I walk into Mama's house and look for him sitting in the chair. Other times I look up to the sky and ask him for guidance. Today, I walked down the stairs at the grave yard, rounded the row to that oak shade tree he lies beneath and introduced him to his second grandchild, Chayse. I have to say it was the hardest conversation I have had with him since he died. While my heart is heavy that he is not here, I know that he is in a better place and that I miss him so much because of the wonderful man he was. I love you Daddy.

Almost TWO WEEKS!!!!

It is so hard to believe that this little girl that we waited so long for has been here for almost two weeks! Chayse is doing great. We went for her check up today and she is actually above her birth weight now... she was 8.05 lbs today! I love knowing that she is gaining weight and is healthy and HERE!!! We are still just beside ourselves knowing that she is healthy and happy. I know I loved my husband before she was here but I have to tell you, it makes my heart smile watching him go ga-ga over this little 8 pound snuggler! She LOVES to get in the bed and snuggle after her 6 am feeding. She is eating well and sleeping well... she is actually on a schedule and we are enjoying the routine while it lasts for we both know that it will change several times over the next few years! Nathan and I are actually getting sleep... sometimes not as much as we want but that's O.K. because she is worth every sleep deprived night we have had. I have lost all of my "baby weight" and then some... I weighed this weekend 9 days after delivery and was down 24 pounds!!!!! HOT DOG!!!! Needless to say, I spent yesterday taking out all of my maternity clothes and making room for all of my regular clothes. It was a weird happy and sad moment... happy that I can actually wear my old clothes again because that means my baby girl is here and yet sad because I know that she is no longer safe inside of me. What a responsibility to have such a small person that you are 100% responsible for! But, it is something that neither of us would change for the world!

We celebrated our first Mother's Day this past weekend and that was a hard day. Don't get me wrong, I loved it and I love her but these past two weeks have made me really see and understand what I have been missing for the past two years since Hope. I still think of Hope everyday and actually cried Saturday night because I felt so guilty talking about my "first" Mother's Day but also because I was so happy that it was something we could celebrate, as a family, with a child who is here and so much alive. I would not trade her for anything and I can not wait to see all of the joy and laughter that she brings into our lives. We are truly blessed.

Before and After....

Life with Chayse....

It is wonderful. Nathan and I are both beside ourselves with her. She is doing great and is already back up to her birth weight, she is eating and sleeping well, and Nathan and I are actually sleeping too. What more could you ask for. We feel blessed in so many ways. A blogger family that I keep up with also had a daughter, Sophie, who passed away two years ago. They welcomed another baby girl into their world this past December and she has told me all along that when I heard Chayse cry for the first time, it would be music to my ears. She failed to tell me that I would hear a whole symphony! I have never been so happy to hear a cry and we just keep getting happier, if that's possible! We are just totally in love with this little creature God has blessed us with!

Her name has been quite the topic here lately... you would be surprised how many people called to get her weight and length, say congrats and then hang up only to call back 10 minuets later saying, "Oh yeah, what is her name"? Her name came from two places... If you remember back several posts ago I told folks Nathan got the idea from a football game... The Missouri Tigers were playing football and they had two Chase's on the team this past season... her "namesake" is Chase Daniel (#10) their quarterback. When Nathan said Chase, I thought about it and we decided it was perfect because we were chasing a dream... we just put the "Y" in it to make it a little more girlie! Her middle name is Nicole and is a name I have always loved since watching Drew Barrymore in "Ever After" which is basically a Cinderella story... while Nicole was not her name in the movie, she claimed to be Nicole DeLoncray to one of her suitors... that was a trick hint!!!

She is here!!

After 41 weeks and then a 24 hour labor, we are so very excited to say that baby CNB has made her way into this world. We are so excited that our journey has brought her to us and we are so grateful to have her here... Four pregnancies and the loss of a child is hard... loving someone so much and never getting to know them is such a hard thing. We have seen both sides of the rainbow now. We have walked through the sadness and pain to the other side where there is such overwhelming pride, joy, and so much love. This is a dream that we have been chasing for years... that said... Chayse Nicole made her way into the world on May 1, 2008 at 2:56 a.m. weighing in at 7 pounds, 14 ounces and was 20.5 inches long.