The fight in this child...

can sometimes make me laugh... the fighting went on for about half an hour... the result was a 15 minute power nap and then she was good to go for another 3 hours! This is why she sleeps soooooo good at night!!!

Time is just passing so quickly...

It is so hard to believe that little miss Chayse is going to be 8 weeks soon! Where have the weeks gone!!! She is still doing wonderfully and is just so sweet! Chayse has her own little personality coming out and boy, is it a funny one! She makes the funniest face expressions at times and it just cracks me up!!! She loves to smile at you and coo's back when you talk to her. She has yet to realize that I can not carry a tune but she still thinks it's a hoot when I sing and dance with her!

Chayse really hates to miss a thing so that makes her a fighter when it comes to naps... she is indeed a cat-napper during the day but she is a full sleeper at night! For the last two weeks she has been taking her last bottle around 11:00-11:30 and sleeping till sometime between 4:15-5:30 when she wakes up hungry... she takes a bottle and is out for three hours, only to eat and then sleep again! This morning though she slept until 6:30, took a bottle and was out again. I LOVE getting several hours of sleep but would certainly get up with her whenever she is awake. Chayse still has not had any formula yet and I am quite proud of that because after the first few days, I NEVER thought that I would be able to say that!

We are just both totally head over heels with her. I loved my husband before but I love him more for the simple act of being her daddy. It makes me smile watching him interact with his daughter. She is just so easy to love! There are moments when I am so tired and she looks up at me with those eyes and just smiles... those are the moments that take my breath away and I am suddenly caught of guard at just how in love with her I am... life is good.

Pictures from the past week

Happy Fathers Day!!

Thank you, Nathan, for being a wonderful husband and a wonderful father... we could not ask for a better man to be in our lives! Love, your girls

Happy Birthday Hope

Today would be Hope Noelle's second birthday... the pages of time seem to turn by so fast. It is so hard to believe that two years have already passed since she quietly entered this world and so quickly left it behind. Two years ago as I sat in a delivery room in Chapel Hill facing my worst fears and watching my dreams shatter, rains poured from the sky while this tiny baby girl entered this world and today, the sun is shining so brightly, the birds are chirping, and a soft breeze is blowing. My, what a difference two years can make.

This year, I have my sweet Chayse with me. This morning as I laid in bed watching her sleep, I found myself drifting back to another place and another time, only this time it was like I was watching the life of someone else. Today, I am so proud to be able to say that I was able to walk away from the depression that engulfed me for months as I dealt with the loss of my father and child three weeks apart. Being able to distance myself from it now and look back, I know now what we missed out on with Hope... the bond that grows every day between a parent and a child. I know that our lives would be so different had she lived... the challenges that you face with a disabled child... for Hope, it would have been the heart surgeries and the need for a transplant, Down's issues, kidney dialysis, renal failure... With all of the things that we did know about her and her health, there are so many things about Hope that we will never know. Was she in any pain during that hour of life? Did she hear us telling her how much we loved her? Could she feel that love? Could she ever fully understand how much it broke our hearts to watch her die and not be in a position to do anything to help her except to hold her? Does she know how much we miss her still? What would her smile have been like? What color were her eyes? What would her laugh have sounded like? There are so many whats... but I have to hold on to the fact that one day, I will know all of the answers to the "what" questions. I know one day I will see that sweet face again, whole and perfect, free from any physical limitations and defects. That is a day that I will always look forward to.

The reality of this day though is this: had Hope lived, I probably would not have Chayse. Harsh huh, but oh so true. Chayse was not a planned child, she was not something we were trying for, she just happened but in the end, she has been such a blessing. I can not imagine our lives without her now. She completes us in a way that I never knew we needed to be completed. God sends us our gifts in his own time and when He sees fit... Chayse was indeed a gift that has not only helped us heal but one that helped us to love again. Through both of our girls, our love has been put to the test as we have faced the unknown, fear, pain, sadness, joy and sheer happiness. God allowed us to grow as people and as a couple. There were days after Hope died that I was not sure Nathan and I would survive and we came close to throwing in the towel but in the end, we came out stronger than before. We are so lucky that we have been blessed with two daughters, wonderfully made, complete in God's eyes.

Made in the shade!!!

Seashells & Sunshine!

We just got back from a weekend at the beach... Chayse's first trip to the ocean! We spent a few days down in South Carolina at Myrtle Beach with some family and had a blast. Chayse was not too sure what to think about the water so after she played in the water with her crazy parents, she opted for a nice warm nap under the sun!

One Month Young

It is hard to believe that my baby girl is already a month young! I wonder where the time has gone as we find ourselves falling more in love with our sweet girl with each passing day. It is hard to believe how much our lives have changed in one month. On May 1, at 2:56 in the morning to be exact, our sweet little girl entered the world and we have not been the same since. I watched her this morning as she was sleeping and still marvel at this little being that we created... the eye lashes, the toe nails, the skin, the little coos she makes. It still amazes me at what we were finally able to do and get right. For months I was so scared to love this little being inside of me for fear that something would go wrong and I would loose her too but I have to admit I get sheer joy out of looking into those big eyes of hers and seeing her smile at me. Happy Birthday my sweet Chayse... many more to come.