My Rock Star!

Chayse had some rock star hair when she woke up from her nap yesterday... it was quite comical!! It looks like she was sleeping HARD!!! Miss Chayse is doing well. Her tooth count is now at 5!! She is a trooper though and has only had a few rough bouts with the teeth. She is crawling all over the place and is pulling up and cruising around everything... cabinets, couches, chairs, people... she is such a busy body!

It is hard to believe that she is already 9 months old! Where in the world has time gone?? She is getting so big and is such a joy in our lives.

Miss Chayse has some BIG news to share... she is going to be a BIG sister! AGH!! This was not a planned pregnancy but we are excited about this. I have been very nauseated but not as sick as I was with Chayse. We have had two ultrasounds so far and things look good! We will continue to be monitored due to our prior history. We will again be going to Duke for organ screening and nuchal testing... which is all a standard level of care now for all OB patients at our practice.

While I am excited to know that they have set a new standard, it is still very scary to think about. Nathan and I are both very excited over this little one but at the very same time, there are the natural emotions of grief and fear that re-surface due to our experience with our daughter, Hope Noelle. Preparing for a new baby always brings emotions of joy and gives you something to look forward to but for me, it also brings back a flood of emotions and memories that are still tucked away deep in my soul. While memories can make you smile and laugh, they can also be painful all at the same time. So now, I find myself thinking about what to do as we have this history of past experiences and yet such future hopes staring us in the face. With Chayse, I learned that my body is able to get a baby here healthy and whole but at the same time, dealing with the emotions of knowing what can happen leaves you stuck somewhere in the middle praying for the best in the things to come. I do find myself asking at times, What if such and such happens? What if they find something wrong? How will we be able to explain it to Chayse? Will we be able to go through all that again? And in those moments when I find myself lost in the emotional fear of these things, Nathan as always calms me down and keeps me grounded. I could not have asked for a better father for my children... all three of them. As I said all through labor and delivery,

"I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me."

looking down onto the brain with hands and legs out front... fingers and toes!!

heart beat was at 182 on Monday