Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Thankful Tuesday....

One of my girlfriends (I am stealing from you here Mel) does something called a Thankful Thursday but I feel that today, I need to steal it and do a Thankful Tuesday. I know that over the course of this pregnancy we have told many of you "thank you" so many times for your unwavering support but many of you will never know the extent of what that really means.

Today, I feel the need to say a special thank you to my husband. As most of you know, we lost our first child, our daughter Hope Noelle, an hour after her birth. Needless to say, being pregnant after such a devastating blow is not easy. This pregnancy, being the longest one I have ever experienced, has become very hard on me mentally. I have so many fears going into this that I can not begin to share them all, nor would I want to. I will share though, that my main fear revolves around her health. Let me clarify here, we have not received any news that would make us think that she is having any problems... I am just having fears based off of prior experiences.

My husband has been a blessing these last few days in keeping me grounded while at the same time letting me express my fears, my dreams, my wishes... letting me cry while making me laugh... letting me know that it is alright to be scared while reminding me that no matter what happens, we will love her just as much as we love Hope. My fears stem from what most of the world fears, all of the unknowns. While there are some people who are great at accepting the unknown and trusting in what comes with it, I have learned that I am not one of those people. I am one who has had so much go wrong that I worry until I see reason not to instead of being a person who doesn't worry until they have a reason to. This is where I am thankful for my Nathan... we talked this weekend and after talking, I did not walk away thinking my husband thinks I have fallen off of my rocker... what I walked away with instead was knowing that I am still married to my best friend and that I could not ask the Lord for a better person to be standing beside me as we approach the unknowns that are before us.

We still ask for your prayers and support as we are just weeks away from meeting our little girl!! I know that this will be such an exciting time for us but it will also be a very emotional time as we start down the path to parenthood again, a path we were on not too long ago.


RSM said...

Faith is a sustainer in this journey you are on. You have already been through the worst thing that a parent could go through and the ultimate challenge a marriage will face. There have been some points in our 'recovery process' that we wanted to throw in the towel and I am so thankful that God didn't allow it. We have an angel here and one with Jesus. How much more could you ask for? Continue to count all of these blessings and most certainly the ones you have in each other. I appreciate your sweet words about Landry. She is something. If you need a friend who has been there...let me know. You have lots to be thankful for and it looks like you certainly know it. Take care and God Bless all of you!

Kristi said...

I'm so glad you and N talked. We love you, hang in there and keep the faith. We can't wait to meet this little one...she has so many people that love her already...including her big sister who keeps watch over her everyday, I'm sure. Can't wait to see you Saturday!

Anonymous said...

Ok, now that I'm in tears, let me just say THANK YOU...thank you for never losing faith! You and Nathan both are such an inspiration to so many and in so many ways. The BEST example of what parents should be, what a husband and wife should be and what people, in general, should all are the BEST OF THE BEST...and this little missy will be no different...she'll be THE BEST in every way imaginable (and in lots of ways you haven't even thought of yet!) It is perfectly normal for you to have the fears that you do...I sure did! You just gotta keep reminding yourself of two things...1) God is always in control. He's given you CNB for a reason, as your very own special blessing! He did it without your worrying, he is taking care of her every day despite your worrying and he'll continue to keep her under his watchful eye every second of every day for many, many years to come...and there is NOTHING you can do about it but praise him. 2) Little CNB is the LUCKIEST little girl in all the world...she's got the best parents and an extra special big sister caring for her, too just like big sisters are supposed to do :) more worrying! We love you all to pieces and can hardly wait to get our hands on Miss CNB! Today I am thankful for you! Love you all lots--the tieman family